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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.