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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace