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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
What did the Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? Something in Japanese,
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.