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I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
There`s something I need to get off my chest: Darned Cheetos crumbs.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
i like boobs
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page