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We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.