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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.