Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.