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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
When you called me a b*tch, did you mean it as an insult or a compliment?
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.