Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.