Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
Receipts are just short-stories about how stupid you are with money.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.