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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
I´m pretty sure I had a good time last night. Let me finish reading the police report and I´ll let you know.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.