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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria