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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I wish I could use Shazam to identify people when I cant remember their name.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.