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Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"