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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.