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My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
A wise man, will often say nothing
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree ... I think I found my spirit animal.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.