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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
:): The Bipolar smiley face