Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
I never get nervous or embarrassed. That`s just some sh*t that sober people who leave the house have to worry about.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
Just got legitimately excited when I remembered I can pay a person to drive a pizza to my house
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.