Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
*Sees my name in a math textbook* class: *stares at me* me: "yeah b!tches I bought 60 watermelons"
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Reincarnation is my only hope.