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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
My life is a movie. One of those movies where most of the people start leaving right in the middle of it.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.