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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Being an American is awesome. The end.