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I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.