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Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords