Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.