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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Don`t worry about old age, it doesn`t last that long.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.