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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D