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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.