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Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!