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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Do bees even have knees?
Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades........... Wait till summer... Enjoy!
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
I am used but in good condition.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
Iām bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*