Daily Silly Status

A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.

If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift

If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.

If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...

I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.

Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.

What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?

I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.

I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...

I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...

Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.

I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)