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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.