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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.