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When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?