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You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
This status has been censored by Facebook
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."