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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.