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Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
I`m just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson`s to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants