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Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.