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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
"What did you do today?" "I text messaged." :)
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
why waste your brain cells to think of a comment when you can just like someone else`s?
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!