Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
I`m tired of things costing money
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
I just saw a disclaimer that said “don’t try this at home”, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"