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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
My life is just one long improvisation.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
why me is me ?
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...