Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.