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Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I never finish anyth...............
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.