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I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I put the hot in psychotic.
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
You can`t be late until you show up
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.