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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Hash browns not tags.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.