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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.