Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they`d use the part behind me.
There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.