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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Me: Mom…Dad. I’ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: Ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.