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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.