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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.