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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.