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I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.