Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I feel like people who don`t have at least one bottle of expired salad dressing in the fridge, really have their lives together.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.