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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.