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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!