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Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.