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Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
I always ask my waitress to name everything that comes in the salad then I respond “OK perfect, I want a cheeseburger with none of that on it.”