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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I’m right.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.