Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?