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Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Sometimes, you wonder what the hell the music video has to do with the song.
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours