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I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.