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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage