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I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.