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Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.