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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.