Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Mac & Cheese doesn`t contain many vitamins, so it`s important you always eat a bunch of it.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.