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If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married