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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.