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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
I wish common sense was more common.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
My tombstone will probably say, "Dead, but finally sober".
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"