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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter how wrong they are. And that`s why we have a problem.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers