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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100