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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.