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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...