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I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
facebooked yo mama!!!
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
Tieam... problem solved
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.