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You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
i hate that the sun comes up so early
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.