Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."