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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He`s obviously an undercover cop.
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!