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If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
A hard thing about business is minding your own
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
The only time I listen to a woman giving directions is when I use my GPS.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Why is powdered milk called ‘Instant milk’? Actual milk is far more instant.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.