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Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.