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"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Velcro, what a rip-off!
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Siri, where are my pants?
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.