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i want a cute boy to let me hold his hand and his credit card
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they`re going to be when you kill them.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...