Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.