Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone