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Guinness for breakfast because its Ireland somewhere.
She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....