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Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
I only accept apologies in cash.
What if animals all speak a universal language, and we’re the odd ones out???
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
I never finish anyth...............
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.