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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.