Daily Silly Status

"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."

The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.

I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O

So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?

Touch my food and suffer the consequences.

If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.

Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s

If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.

Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.

You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"