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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Facebook should have an "I`ve seen enough" button.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?